you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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