so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
