god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
