Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
