So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
