Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
