My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
