dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
