Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
