why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
