Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
I'm just looking out for you.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.