Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
