those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
