Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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