Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
