True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
