Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
