I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
