The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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