We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We left an ass print on the piano.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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