non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
