the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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