i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
