Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
