Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
