Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
