we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
