Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
