Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
