Im at strip club and am horny
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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