Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
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You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
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I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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