apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
