I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
