He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
