i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my shit smells like andre
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
