He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
This is my gift to your gina
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
