took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
