Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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