Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
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I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
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She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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