Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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