new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
