So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize