Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
