I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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