Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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