I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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