At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
