people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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