you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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