If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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