Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im holly from the hills drunk
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
