he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
