But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
3pm strippers are depressing
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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