Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
