I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
