She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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