I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
