dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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