you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
