Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
