she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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