woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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