So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
