I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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