better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
