omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
