so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
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i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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